


A Spark that flew on a Winter Night

by chan_to_the_ho (curseofpandora)



Category: 2PM (Band)
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe, F/M, Family Issues, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-14 00:47:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5723272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curseofpandora/pseuds/chan_to_the_ho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know how your friends are sometimes the ones to blame for setting certain things in motion?</p>
<p>The same thing happened to Junho one perfectly normal winter night.</p>
<p>He has yet to figure out whether he likes the developments or not.</p>
<p>But he's absolutely positive about one thing:</p>
<p>His life changed.</p>
<p>If it was for the better or for the worse has yet to be determined.</p>
<p>But he knows that figuring it out will require one hell of a ride on an emotional rollercoaster.</p>
<p>Better buckle up quickly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Once The Spark Has Jumped...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sweetsweat](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=sweetsweat).



The last day of the year was usually not very exciting for Junho. He’d probably meet up with a couple of friends at one of their places and have a few drinks again since he wasn’t much of a social butterfly. Perhaps they would end up watching the fireworks by the Han river, if they felt crazy.

But not this year. His best friend had decided to change their routine, so he messaged Junho to meet him at a certain address and dress up a little.

Slightly confused but still unsuspecting, Junho complied to this request and asked the rest of his friends, whether they knew what Wooyoung was planning. But neither Taecyeon nor Nichkhun nor Minjun was let in on this plan or so they claimed.

Junho couldn’t help but feel a little suspicious about their behaviour, but he decided not to let it bother him too much for the time being. Instead, he went through his wardrobe and tried to find something that might fit the occasion. Whatever occasion that might be.

In the end, he settled for black leather pants and a simple grey pullover, figuring that he looked just fine. Putting on some accessories and his favourite black leather jacket, he was on his way to the place Wooyoung had asked to meet him.

With dread he noticed that it was a club, so he was just about to turn around and leave when Wooyoung had spotted him and hooked onto his arm before Junho had any chance to disappear.

“Hey Junjun, just on time. The others are already inside, so let’s follow them before they start drinking without us.”

“Wooyoungie, you know I don’t like clubs… why would you drag me here?” The whining should have been indication enough, but Junho really wasn’t fond of clubbing, and yet Wooyoung decided to ignore it for the night, only patting his butt a couple of times to lighten his friend’s mood.

“Come on, Junho, just this once? I promise it will be fun. Taec asked for it for his birthday, so let’s try at least, okay?”

With some disgruntled murmuring and eye rolling, Junho gave in eventually and followed his best friend.

Barely entering the premises, Junho’s head was already spinning because of the heavy thumping of the bass and the irritating lights. He could barely spot his friends who were waiting for them at the bar.

Wooyoung was already halfway there, greeting them all with a bright smile and waving the youngest of the group over afterwards.

Junho didn’t really feel like following this invitation, but he gave in when he saw how the others beamed at him brightly. He had missed them after all and one night of clubbing was probably a tolerable price to pay in order to see them.

Once they had moved to a table in the comparatively calmer corner of the club, they had ordered their drinks and were talking just the way they usually did. Except for the heightened volume and obvious need to dance in some of them.

Minjun and Woo were squirming in their seats and it was Taec who pushed them towards the dancefloor. “Just go and dance, you two. Honestly, we can still talk later, but having both of you wiggling around here is just weird.”

He said it with a grin and they knew he wasn’t mad or anything, so they disappeared in the crowd immediately, mingling with the other dancers.

“So Junho, I see you’re wearing THE pants....” Khun pointed out with a scrutinising look under the table, a smirk spreading on his lips and a weird spark appearing in his eyes all of a sudden. “Who are you trying to seduce?”

Taec only snorted into his glass and cast a look over the crowd, leaving Junho to fend for himself.

Junho, however, was scandalised, because he had had no intention of seducing anyone when he decided to wear these pants. “Don’t call them that, Khun hyung. And you know I’m not looking for someone right now. I just wanted to feel…”

“Sexy? Irresistible? Because I think you’re not the only one who agrees that you do, Junho… Take a casual look at the table across the room, will you? See those three guys? The one on the right has been looking over for a while now. At you, I might add.”

Baffled out of his wits, partly due to his hyungs’ insolence and partly due to the fact that he might have been ogled by a stranger, Junho merely gaped at the older two for a moment, his brows knitting in irritation as another realisation hit him. “Ok Taecyeon, stop feeling him up when I’m sitting right across the table! Seriously, can’t you just get a room?”

Taec flashed him a smug grin in response and leaned even closer to Khun, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, but the Thai wouldn’t have it and brushed his teasing hand away with a chuckle: “Not in public, Taec. You know that.”

“But Khunnie, I don’t want to be your dirty little secret…” Taec whined childishly and cosied up to him even more.

“Oh, trust me, you want to be just that, Taec.” the Thai pointed out with a wink and pecked his lips just once before he brought some distance between them again.

“Well, thank you very much, Khun hyung, now I’m scarred for life.” Junho drawled and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he glowered at them.

“Aish, such a spoilsport… Anyway, back to the topic of loverboy over there.”

“There is no such topic and stop calling him that, Ok Taecyeon. Seriously, if I wanted to find someone, I would actively look for them, okay? Can you just leave it alone?”

“But Junho, he is really… cute? Handsome? It’s hard to say. But I have to give Taec that.”

By now the youngest was groaning in exasperation but threw a quick glance anyway: “Seriously, not you, too, Khunnie hyung. He could look like a god walking among us mortals, for all I ca-... FUCK, HE’S GORGEOUS!”

The youngest had to stop breathing for a second, because just during the moment he had decided to look over, that guy was smiling about something one of his friends had said and the sight did something weird to Junho’s brain.

His cheeks flushed out of nowhere and his entire body felt far too warm all of a sudden. He decided to ignore how his heart started to hammer when loverboy’s eyes met his and the genuine smile turned into something more suggestive immediately.

No, he wasn’t flirting with random strangers, not even if they looked like that.

“He wants you, Junho.” Taec muttered in his best bad influence voice, enjoying the situation far too much for Junho’s taste.

“Will you shut up, hyung?!” he bit through gritted teeth and kicked Taec’s shin beneath the table.

“I’ve told you I’m not looking for something right now, and that won’t change, even if he danced naked in front of me!”

With booming laughter Taec pointed out that: “It would probably not require a lot of convincing to make that happen, actually. He seems to be smitten.”

“You know what? Fuck you, Taecyeon! I’m done with this shit!”

The youngest was up and out of the backdoor a couple of minutes later, feeling that he might have overreacted a little, but Taecyeon always knew how to push his buttons just right to make him flip out. And he would have to unwind now, otherwise he might actually start a fight with the older before the new year had even started.

So he slipped into his jacket and sat down on the stairs, only to jump up again, because it was too cold. “Ugh, dammit!”

“Rough night?” An unknown voice asked into the darkness, deep and soothing with a strange tenderness to it.

Junho didn’t turn around just yet, but he had an eerie feeling he knew who would be standing there.

“Just the usual bickering with friends, I guess. You?”

“Mine left for the dancefloor and I didn’t feel like joining them. Nothing of interest there.”

With a playful chuckle Junho replied: “But out here in the back alley there is something?”

“Plenty actually. Unless this something wants to be left alone?” There was a genuine concern in his voice and maybe that was the factor that made Junho reconsider.

“Maybe this something is just a little tired of everyone trying to force it into things they’re not comfortable with… but this alley isn’t mine, so who am I to tell you to leave? I’d offer you a seat, but these stairs are cold as fuck and I cannot recommend sitting on them.”

The voice burst out into laughter and it was simultaneously the strangest and most endearing laugh Junho had ever heard.

“Very considerate of you. I thank you for the generous offer anyway...”

“Junho. My name is Junho.” he offered and felt a tiny blush creep onto his cheeks again.

“A pleasure to meet you, Junho. I’m Chansung.” the guy replied as he walked a little closer and held out his hand, making Junho turn around and shake it.

Their eyes were locked for longer than necessary and once Junho had noticed it, he blushed even harder, his eyes everywhere but on Chansung, but there was still this heat coming from his hand and that’s when he realised that he was still holding onto Chan’s.

He let go of it as if he had been stung by a bee, making Chansung smile brightly at him.

“I know most guys hate to hear this, but you’re really cute, Junho.”

The latter looked up into Chansung’s eyes with something between confusion and stubbornness, already preparing to deny that colourfully, but Chansung stopped his tirade before it could actually happen. “I’m sorry, I don’t normally go around calling people cute or anything. It’s just that your behaviour was really adorable? Which will probably sound just as bad to you… Aish, sorry, I’m no good at flirting with people who I actually f-.... Yeah, nevermind. I’ll just leave you alone again. Bye.”

He was already turning around, face scrunched up in annoyance at his own antics, Junho assumed, but it was all the more refreshing and endearing to see this side of him, so the smaller did what he hadn’t intended to do. He reached out for Chan’s wrist and stopped him.

“People who you actually what?”

Chan closed his eyes for a moment and bit his lip, pondering on how much more embarrassing this could get before he spoke under his breath: “People who I actually fancy. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you ever since you walked in. And that was probably incredibly obvious to anyone but you. Anyway, I won’t bother you any longer. Sorry for wasting your time.”

“Hey, do I look bothered?” Junho asked, not letting go of his wrist.

When Chan looked at him, thoroughly and as if he was reading every underlying emotion Junho might have shown, the latter couldn’t help but blush again, but he decided to bear it.

“No? You actually look sort of happy? Relieved perhaps? I’m not sure.”

“That’s because I like your honesty and that you’re not trying to put on an act, pabo. There are far too many cool guys and girls out there who act like someone else in order to impress people. But I’ve never particularly liked those. You, however, seem different.”

Now it was Chansung’s turn to blush a little and scratch his head with uncertainty. “It’s not that I do it consciously, but thanks, I guess?”

He sent Junho a genuine smile that made his heart beat just a little faster and avert his eyes. “You’re welcome.” Then he smiled, too.

“Will you let go of my wrist now?” the taller enquired jokingly, so Junho looked back at him out of the corner of his eyes, softly shaking his head.“Do I have to?”

“No, but you could just as well take my hand instead.” Chan suggested and stretched out his palm, his smile spreading from lips to eyes and making Junho feel as if he was standing in the warm sunlight.

“Oh, good point.” he muttered shyly and put his hands into Chan’s, feeling a sudden warmth spreading through his entire body.

This man was messing with his emotions big time and he wasn’t half as angry about it as he should have been. Instead he threw another quick glance at him and met his eyes.

“Care to walk with me a little? I don’t really feel like going back in there.”

“Me neither, to be honest. But where do we go?”

“I don’t care as long as you’re going there with me.” Chan muttered, only knitting his brows in irritation as soon as he had realised what he had said. “Gosh, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound so cheesy, but it’s the truth.”

Junho chuckled softly and squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry, if it’s coming from you I really don’t mind it.”

Chan beamed at him in response and rubbed the back of Junho’s hand with his thumb.

They lost themselves in each other’s eyes for a moment, the silence only broken by Chansung’s deep voice: “I really want to kiss you right now, Junho.”

The smaller continued to look at him a little longer, until he raised his voice, too: “Normally I wouldn’t agree to this, but there is something about you that makes me let go of all my resolutions.”

“So… is this a yes?”

“In fact, it’s more of a fuck yeah, why are you not kissing me already, but I guess that might be a little too blunt?” he chuckled nervously, completely unsure of what to do next, because Chansung was really messing with his head and his stupid brain had just decided to switch to autopilot and leave him to fend for himself.

The taller laughed heartily at this sudden outburst and left Junho staring at him dumbfoundedly for a while, a pout slowly creeping onto his features. “Yah!”

Chansung only snorted some more, but still held onto his hand which was probably the reason Junho hadn’t run off yet.

“I’m sorry, Junho, this was just too endearing. I didn’t laugh about you, okay? You are just so refreshingly honest. Please don’t be mad, okay?”

The look Chansung sent him reminded Junho far too much of a puppy to actually be mad for long, so he sighed and shrugged it off.

“Whatever…”

“Hey.” Chan murmured, his voice suddenly much closer to Junho’s ear, in fact close enough to brush his lips against the shell and god, did it feel right.

“Hey what?” the smaller responded, still a little grumpy. But he leaned into Chansung’s touch anyway when the latter moved his free hand upwards to caress Junho’s neck softly.

“Hey, you sexy thing. Why are you so alone out here I wonder?” There was a playful joy in Chan’s voice that made Junho play along instinctively.

“I’m waiting for my blind date to show up. Supposedly a tall guy with a beautiful smile who’s very cheesy around people he fancies… You haven’t seen him, have you?”

Chan snorted happily and brushed his nose against Junho’s temple, slowly moving lower. “Sadly no, but would you mind keeping me company until he arrives? You see, I’m waiting for my blind date, too. He’s slightly smaller than me and and has the most breathtaking eye smile in the world. And rumour has it that he’s blessed with an endearing sense of humour and a rear that is to die for.”

“Oh, sorry, haven’t seen him around, but I will wait here with you, in case he shows up…”

“So kind of you. How shall I ever make up for that?” Chan grinned, his free hand now playing with Junho’s hair as he leaned his forehead against the smaller man’s.

“Oh, I guess kissing me would be a good start.” Junho suggested with smug grin of his own and simply got on his toes to close the distance. Putting his arms around Chan’s neck, he only pulled him closer, missing the warmth of his hand for a moment until Chansung draped his arms around his waist and rested his hands on Junho’s lower back.

They kissed for minutes on end, losing track of time and space, simply enjoying the act in itself and the strange feeling of perfect serenity that came with it. It was Junho who broke the kiss eventually, very slowly, his lips lingering on Chan’s as if they were unwilling to separate further than absolutely necessary.

With eyes that were glazed over he looked at the taller, still a little lost for words or simply feeling that no words were remotely able to describe what had just happened between them. He wasn’t quite sure, but seeing Chansung standing there, his arms still around Junho’s waist, it made perfect sense.

Everything fell into place for him, so he decided not to question it for the time being. Instead he got onto his toes again and kissed the tip of Chan’s nose which made the taller blink in surprise. Junho couldn’t hold back a chuckle and ruffled Chansung’s hair a little, pointing at the sky with his left hand.

“Look, it’s snowing, Channie.”

“Channie?” he echoed in a soft voice, eyes still captivated by Junho’s blinding smile.

“Yah, pabo, I’m telling you it’s snowing and all you hear is your name?”

“It’s the way you said it…”

“But it’s the first snow this year, Cha-unf!” he didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence, because Chan had closed the distance again, kissing him with more tenderness now which melted his resistance immediately, leaving him breathless.

When Chan let go of him once again, Junho couldn’t help but stare at the smile that was gracing his features now. It reminded him of his childhood, the times when he was without a care in the world and his smile was still untainted by sorrow and hardships. Looking at Chansung made him feel similar, as if there were no worries or fear as long as he was around.

But that was silly, he barely knew his name, let alone anything else about him. There was no way in hell that Chan could already give him such a sense of security, was there?

“Stop smiling like a looney, Chansung.” Junho teased, suddenly feeling as if he had been baring too much of himself to a total stranger, so he raised his walls of self-defence in consequence.

Chan looked at him with a little confusion, but didn’t take it to heart. He merely put on his neutral face and stepped away a little. “So… How about that walk?”

Junho was still trying to sort his conflicting emotions out, so he nodded in agreement and walked ahead, Chansung catching up with him in an almost jog.

He put up with the pace for a while, picking up whenever Junho walked faster, naturally adjusting his rhythm to the smaller man’s without so much as breaking a sweat. They walked in silence until they reached the river bank when Chan stopped out of nowhere.

It went unnoticed for a moment until Junho wondered why the sound of two pairs of shoes on the concrete had turned into that of one pair only. He stopped and turned around, only to meet the eyes of Chansung who was staring at him in a disgruntled state.

“Are you running away from me, Junho?”

“No?” he responded questioningly, not entirely sure himself.

“Because it certainly feels like it. I feel like some creepy stalker right now. Shall I leave?” Chan’s tone was neutral, maybe even a tad bit on the cold side, but that was only because he couldn’t quite figure Junho’s intentions out.

“No?” Junho’s voice was full of even more uncertainty, leaving Chan sighing exasperatedly.

“Okay, listen Junho, I’m sorry, if I’m making you uncomfortable. You say no, but your body language clearly shows that you’re on edge and the last thing I want to do is to scare you. Let’s just pretend that none of this happened and end it here, okay? I wish you a wonderful new year, please stay safe, okay?”

Junho watched the scene with dread, not intending for it to end like this, but simply unable to open up the way Chansung probably deserved it. So he remained silent, only staring at Chan’s disheartened figure.

His sad smile was possibly what broke Junho the most.

“Not even a goodbye, huh? Alright, I get it, Junho… Farewell then.”

And with these words he walked away, maybe back to the club, maybe somewhere else. Junho wouldn’t know it, since he was still standing there by the river, slowly turning around and walking in the opposite direction.

‘It is for the better. I’m not looking for someone anyway. I don’t need anyone else in my life. Jinho is all that matters.’ These words ran through his head as he walked, his pace going slower the farther he got.

But there was also the steady ‘But, what if...’ trying to break through. The doubts grew stronger, was he really doing the right thing? Shouldn’t he have gotten to know Chansung at least a little better?

He stopped in his tracks, realising that he probably looked like a madman to any unsuspecting passerby, but it didn’t matter.

‘I’m not doing this, I’m not turning around and running after him like some fucking lovesick teenager!’

He walked on again, this time faster and more energetic, willing himself to be strong and reasonable. This resolve broke when he heard some giggling coming from across the street. He stopped in surprise, curious who it was, so he took a couple of steps back, peeking over the bushes until he spotted the couple that was making out under a street light.

Junho tried to look away but he couldn’t, all his thoughts turning into a storm of nos and yeses, doubts and excuses mixing with images of himself and Chansung in this couple’s stead, thoughts of how happy he might be and how secure he had felt. He had Jinho, but was that really enough? Shouldn’t he have someone who he could lean on, too? Someone who would tell him things will get better when he was down, or who smiled with him when he was happy?

‘I will regret this. I will definitely regret this. Fucking idiot, Junho...’

He turned on the spot, speed-walking his way back along the deserted riverbank, gradually going faster until he ran, because he had realised that he was still far away from the spot they had parted ways in. And maybe it was already too late and he wouldn’t be able to find Chansung in time…

‘In time for what exactly?’ he wondered for a second, but pushed that thought away to be dealt with at a later time.

Maybe he would find him, but possibly in someone else’s arms and that thought alone was enough to make him run even faster. ‘Fuck it, I’m not done with you, Chansung. Don’t you dare find someone else yet!’

He passed by some lonely figure sitting on a bench without paying closer attention to it, already a good distance away when said figure muttered: ‘Junho?’

He knew that voice, but couldn’t believe that he was right there.

“Junho, is that you?” the figure asked again, this time a little firmer, probably thinking he hadn’t heard it the first time.

He had stopped but not turned around, doubting his decision already.

But then the figure sneezed and Junho realised that it was still snowing outside and the person had probably been sitting on this cold bench for a while. He turned on the spot again. ‘Spot a pattern, Junho? Gosh, I’m so pathetic...’

And yet he ignored his inner voice and walked over instead. He stopped an arm’s length in front of the person, telling himself it was just to make sure he hadn’t mistaken someone else for him. But it was him. It was Chansung, complete with his confused look and snow in his hair, shivering slightly, nose a little red and rubbing his hands together to warm them.

“Why didn’t you go back, you idiot? It’s freezing!”

Chansung merely gaped at him, brows slowly knitting in anger. “The fuck is your problem?! I can damned well stay and freeze my balls off wherever I like, Junho! You made it quite clear that you don’t care…”

His initial rage had turned into disappointment during the course of his speech, leaving him huffing angrily and averting his eyes stubbornly.

Junho felt like shaking him and screaming at him that he had come back, simply because he was stupid enough to care. That he didn’t want him to freeze his precious balls off in this cold and that he certainly didn’t want him to stay away for a second longer.

But instead of all that he stared at the sitting man, his rage slowly turning into pity, because Chansung looked terribly cold and lonely and it broke Junho’s heart to see him like this.

When Chan sniffed stubbornly, Junho gave up and reached into his pocket, fiddling a little, until he had pulled out a paper tissue and held it out for Chansung.

The latter refused to acknowledge it and its owner’s existence, until said owner cleared his voice and waved it in front of Chan’s face once more.

“Please take it.”

Chan looked at him grumpily, but took the tissue eventually, blowing his nose and disposing of it in the trash bin nearby.

“Look, I’m sorry, Chan. I’m an idiot when it comes to this.”

“To what? Basic human interactions?” he spat back and Junho knew he deserved this anger. But he wasn’t willing to give up just yet.

“I was going to say relationships and stuff, but yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m shit at human interactions, too.” he paused and sighed, already feeling immensely stupid, but it got worse when Chan glared at him directly.

“Junho, we aren’t even in any kind of relationship yet. We kissed! I really can’t see why you’d freak out about it that much?”

His voice was calmer already, even if his eyes were still gleaming with anger, but Junho decided to continue.

“Because it felt like so much more than a simple kiss to me! I’m not sure how you spend your days, but I sure as hell don’t kiss random strangers like that! And I don’t even let random strangers get so close to me so quickly… You’re different for some reason and it scares me.”

He paused again, taking a deep breath before he emphasised it once more, this time in a much calmer and more vulnerable fashion: “It scares the shit out of me, Chansung. This is going too fast for me. And I fear that I’m losing control already. Losing myself already. I’m not used to it. I’m used to being able to predict things. To planning things and knowing the risks I’m taking.”

He lowered his gaze in fear of Chansung’s reaction, but spoke on. “You want to know what my problem is? I know I can’t predict how things might develop between us. I don’t know, if you’ll stay with me, should I really fall in love with you. I don’t know how serious you might take this. Am I just some hook up? Is it possibly more for you as well? I don’t know all that and it scares me. Baring myself to you like this scares me to death. ”

A heavy silence fell once he had spoken, neither of them saying another word for what felt like an eternity to Junho. The more time passed, the more he dreaded the outcome of this situation. There was no way Chansung would put up with his ridiculous proposal. Was it even one? What did he propose anyway?

It was silly to think about a future together at this point in time, Junho had realised it now that he had actually thought about what he had said to Chansung, berating himself for being an idiot because of this realisation.

He prayed for a hole in the ground to open and devour him, sparing him the laughter that was certainly about to come. He didn’t want to be ridiculed by the one he had just bared himself to, but it was inevitable. No one in their right mind would even think about this proposal twice, let alone consider it thoroughly, so why was Chansung taking so long to poke fun at him?

His voice wasn’t angry anymore when he spoke which made Junho relax a little: “You won’t ever find it out if you don’t take this risk. And I can’t give you an answer to any of these questions yet, Junho, but I know that I am willing to take this risk if you are.”

Junho’s head snapped upwards to look directly into Chansung’s eyes, mouth slightly open in disbelief.

“You’re kidding, right? I must have imagined this just now.”

Chan remained calm and kept his solemn expression, though, no hint of a smile that spoke of a lie that was being told or a joke to be made at Junho’s expense.

“I mean every word I’m saying. Which kinds of shit have you been through to be so crippled, Junho? Who did this to you?”

If anything, Chan’s tone sounded concerned towards the end, his gaze softening, but all it did was make Junho raise his walls again, forcing him to talk about issues he didn’t feel comfortable talking about.

“Society? Have you ever tried being your true self in this society we’re living in, Chansung? Because I certainly didn’t feel like being called an abomination for loving someone of my own gender. Or being beat up for it. I’ve been told for half my life that I don’t deserve to be happy, that I’m unnatural and disgusting. But I’ve learnt to live with it. To make this hatred directed at me a source of energy. Nowadays I’m laughing about these idiots, but back then I wanted to die.”

He paused a moment to let it sink in and continued with a wry smile: “You see, experiences like that shape you. They help determine your fate. Either you get crushed by them very slowly, or you find that one thing that keeps you going. The thing that gives you a purpose in life so much bigger and more important than these lowly fools and their idea of what people should be like. You start to detach yourself from this hurtful society as much as you can. Reduce your presence in it to a minimum until you’re mostly surrounded by those who really care about you and have your back, even if you’re different. But this trust has to be gained the hard way.”

With a deep sigh, he turned to look at the illuminated bridge and remained silent, time ticking by slowly.

“The last time I really loved someone unconditionally and trusted him with my all my heart… Let’s just say it didn’t end well. And it left me scarred. Emotionally and physically.”

Chansung had stood up and moved closer reluctantly, knowing full well that this issue had to be approached with the utmost caution and tact.

“Do you want to tell me about it? Because I am willing to listen.”

Junho laughed humorlessly, a sign of how painful these memories actually were to him even to this day.

“No, I don’t ever want to talk or even think about this again, to be honest. But I have no choice. You want to know why I am so distrustful and crippled, so here you go.”

A nod of Chansung’s head was enough of a sign for Junho to continue his recount of the events of the past. “It started during my last year in middle school. I was still figuring out who I was and whether this lack of attraction to girls really meant anything or whether it was just a passing phase. He was in my class back then, and we slowly grew closer and became something similar to best friends. I told him everything, even that I questioned my sexuality. And he supported me, telling me to be myself and do what I wanted to do. One night when I was staying over at his place during the holidays, we were joking around and he had been asking me whether I found any of our classmates attractive. I named a few, but eventually confessed that he had always been the one I found the most attractive out of them all.”

Junho stopped for a moment, a pained smile curling his lips upwards as he looked into the distance. “He had this beautiful smile that made you feel like standing in the sunlight, you know? When he looked at me he always made me feel as if I was the centre of his universe. And funnily enough he was the one to kiss me, once I had told him that I found him attractive. Out of nowhere. All he did was lean in and press his lips to mine. I was speechless for minutes until he entwined his fingers with my own, leaving me staring at our hands as if it were someone else’s.”

He sighed again, shaking his head with a soft chuckle. “We were such fools back then, not knowing a care in the world, just confessing to each other eventually and letting this thing between us develop when we were alone. His parents were gone for their business quite often, so we ended up meeting at his place most of the time. We took it slowly, seeing no need to rush our relationship, because we figured we’d be together for years to come, but surely there came the moment that we took it to the next level and had sex for the first time.”

Glancing at Chansung out of the corner of his eyes, Junho grinned for a second, but soon enough a hint of pain mixed into his smile and tainted it. “I will spare you the details, but he made me feel complete. He gave me the feeling that there was a chance to completely be yourself with the one you love without being judged for it. He loved me for who I was and for the first time in my life I had actually felt at peace with myself. There was no struggling against who I was, because with him I could just be that someone.”

Eyes looking into the distance again, he continued barely audible: “It would have been too perfect, if there hadn’t been any problem, though. His parents were supposedly out for the weekend, so I had stayed over again, using the time we had to be as intimate as we could. It was late in the afternoon and we were right in the middle of it when they returned, bursting into his room before we had even realised they were back.

At that point, I was all the way in him and since it was summer there was no blanket or anything covering us… His father stopped in his tracks and simply stared at us in shock for a while. You could practically watch as it dawned on him, what had been going on under his roof. His face turned into a grimace as it reddened and I hadn’t dared to move, so it probably didn’t help either.

His eyes filled with anger really slowly while his gaze wandered between his son and me. And since I was really frightened at this point, I couldn’t reply when he demanded to know what we were doing.”

Junho made a long pause after this sentence, breathing deeply in what seemed to be an attempt at staying calm in the face of these memories. His voice was barely audible when he continued, making Chansung want to embrace him.

“His son, however… He claimed I was raping him. Told him we had just been fighting a little and that I had started to kiss and fondle him all of a sudden and that when he had told me to stop, I had pushed on and stripped him down and taken advantage of him.”

Junho stopped again, this time relaxing and starting to laugh like a mad man.

“He was bigger than me and I would never have stood a chance to do any of that if he really didn’t want it. But, of course, his father believed his precious son. As I stared at who I had thought of as my best friend, he looked at me with something between fear and apology, but it was too late for that.”

A heavy silence fell over them, as Chansung watched in horror how Junho’s face turned into a grimace because of the pain that these memories brought him. He dreaded to ask, but he knew there was more to it and that this barrier between them couldn’t be overcome if Junho kept his story to himself. So he cleared his throat, his gaze soft and apologetic as he reached out and touched Junho’s arm carefully.

“That isn’t all, is it? What happened afterwards?”

Junho’s features froze, no hint of any kind of emotion in it other than the pain and betrayal in his eyes. His voice was toneless but loud and clear.

“Since I was still frozen in this compromising position, his father snapped and pulled me off him, strangling me and beating me until I didn’t fight back anymore. I guess it was his mother who pulled him away and told him to stop it, but I couldn’t hear anything anymore. My ears were ringing and one of my eyes was already starting to swell. I was barely able to crawl, let alone walk, so I was lying there on the floor until his mother came over to help me into my clothes. She wasn’t gentle, but for all she knew I had just raped her son, so it was everything that she didn’t hit me as well.”

He took a deep breath and continued, his voice now barely audible.

“I will never forget her last words to me as she pushed me out of their door. ‘You’re no longer welcome here, Junho. Stay away from him, if you know what’s best for you.’ There was no malice or accusation in them, though. As if she knew what had really happened, but tried to cover it with the lie.”

Chansung had heard enough to get an idea of the pain Junho must have gone through. He knew how most people treated their likes, even if he had never been in a situation as bad as Junho’s himself. But seeing him hurting so badly because of events that had happened years ago was simply heart wrenching.

He wasn’t even sure why he felt the need to comfort Junho, taking into account how little he knew about him, but he did. He wanted to give him hope and show him that there was indeed a chance to be happy with someone. That he could trust someone without having to dread that this trust could be broken again. He wanted to be that person for him, so he spread out his arms without a word, just looking at the smaller man until he had noticed the gesture.

Junho, however, was still confused as to why anyone would want to hear his story and not run away screaming. Let alone stay and act as if he intended to embrace him. He simply couldn’t see a viable reason, so he remained in his position, just looking at Chansung in confusion.

“What?”

“What ‘what?’”

“What are you doing there, Chansung?”

“Reaching out for you? I figured you might be in need of an embrace?”

“I’m not five anymore.” Junho responded with a raised brow.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you need someone to make you feel loved.”

“I don’t need that.”

“Yes, you do.”

Junho was mildly irritated by Chansung’s persistence, so he glowered at him. “No, I don’t. I’m over it. Stop talking nonsense.”

“Hey, if your story told me anything about you as a person, it is that your trust in people has been broken and that it must be really hard for you to allow new people to get close to you. Now, I am still here after listening to your story, and if anything, I am now even more willing to show you that there are people you can trust…”

“I have a small circle of very good friends already, thank you very much. And I trust them with my life.”

“Will you please just listen for a second, Junho? I don’t just want to be your friend. I want to be the one who makes you feel cherished and adored. I want to be the one who makes you feel loved. If you allow me, that is.”

“You’re mad.”

The nonchalance of Junho’s words made Chan laugh dryly. “Maybe I am. It’s actually quite possible. But I won’t go back on my word. I want to be with you, even if you’re broken and can’t trust me just yet.”

Junho remained adamant, though, face straight and brows knitted in irritation. “No seriously, this is madness, Chansung. Why don’t we forget about this all and you go and find a nice girl and settle down and have a family with her? You seem to be a nice guy who deserves to be happy.”

Chansung was only mildly impressed by this suggestion, so he stemmed his hands into his hips and looked directly into Junho’s eyes. 

 

“Okay, Junho, listen. If I wanted the easy and socially acceptable way, I would have gone for it. But I’m tired of living a lie. I love women, but not like this. It took me a while to come to terms with it and to decide to give in to my actual preferences, but I’ve done it. And I can tell you that I’m much happier this way. And now that you know, will you please stop denying yourself the happiness you deserve? I can’t claim that I can relate to your pain since I’ve never been in a similarly devastating situation. But I am willing to do everything in my power to make your future brighter. If you allow me to.”

The smaller merely rolled his eyes and laughed dryly. “I’m not sure I’m capable of trusting anyone on such a level ever again, Chansung.”

“That’s only normal. I’m not asking you to trust me yet. But we can gradually work on building this trust.”

“I’m probably far too fucked up to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

A tiny smile flickered across Chansung’s face at the softening tone of Junho’s voice. “That is also something I will tolerate and work on with you.”

“You’re a masochist.”

“Maybe a little bit? But you have to take chances in matters of love and life, right? No pain, no gain.”

The last sentence made Junho burst into a laughing fit that made Chansung beam at him, too. “Let’s just hope it will only be a little pain and lots of gain in our case…”

“That is entirely up to us, so will you help me make it happen?”

“I guess so? After all I came back for you, only to find you freezing your balls off on a park bench on New Year’s eve, while other people are out partying… You really are an odd one, Chansung.” he added with a snort.

“And you have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen, Junho. Besides, there is this other young man out in the cold on this fateful night. Telling strangers his life story in hopes that they’ll run away because of it.”

Junho all but rolled his eyes in response but flashed him a bright smile nonetheless. “Are you calling me odd, too?”

This time, Chan started grinning at him with mischief in his eyes. “Yes.” But as he reached out to caress Junho’s cheek lovingly, his gaze grew softer: “First and foremost I am calling you mesmerising, though. And you’re freezing, Junho, I’m sorry I’ve kept you in the cold for so long.”

But the concern in Chansung’s voice only made him feel warmer, so he shook his head gently, a tiny smile spreading over his entire face before he placed a shy kiss on Chan’s lips.

Once they separated again, Junho looked at his toes as he suggested: “You don’t have to be sorry, since it was my fault… And we could go back to that club if you feel like it.”

Chan cleared his voice in response but went silent afterwards which made Junho look up at him curiously.

“You don’t want to?”

A faint blush spread on Chan’s cheeks while he tried to avoid eye contact at all costs. “I, eh… Oh, fuck it, I’m actually not that fond of being surrounded by all these random strangers.”

“Which means?”

“I’d rather go somewhere more private with you?”

Junho’s lips formed an ‘O’ as it dawned on him, what Chansung tried to imply. “A hotel?”

Chansung’s eyes grew wide as he stared at the smaller man in horror. “What? No, I didn’t mean it like this. Although, you are gorgeous and I really wouldn’t mind sleeping with you, of course… But I really want to get to know you better first…”

The strange response only made Junho laugh heartily, though, but once he noticed how fidgety Chansung got because of it, he calmed down again and reached for his hand. “Oh dear, I’m sorry, Channie, this was just so adorable. I wouldn’t have thought that someone as confident as you could ever get so flustered.”

“Normally I don’t. It only happens when I’m actually interested in someone. Casual flirts I can do in my sleep. But then someone really strikes my interest, and I end up spouting nonsense and looking like a fool.”

If anything, Chansung’s blush only deepened after this revelation which, in turn, made Junho beam at him with fondness.

“Hey, babe, I don’t mind it. It’s actually really sweet.”

The smile Junho flashed him was irresistible, so Chan smiled back shyly, but he was still unable to look him in the eye for long.

“Did you just ‘babe’ me?”

“I may have?” came the mischievous response, accompanied by the most beautiful eye smile.

Chan tried to keep a straight face, but the corners of his mouth quirked upwards anyway, ruining his effort.

“So… if you don’t want to go to a hotel, how about you tag along for a hot chocolate at my place? Completely non-committal, of course. But much better than freezing to death out here. And it’s in walking distance even.”

“You really want to take me home?”

“Aish, Channie, for someone who followed a complete stranger to a barely lit back alley, you’re really reluctant when it comes to accepting this stranger’s invitation. I promise I won’t jump you out of nowhere, okay?”

“Tsk, I honestly wouldn’t mind you jumping me at any given time. But this is your home. It is a lot more private than a random club or a back alley. Homes tend to reveal a lot about their owners.”

“Sweetheart, I’ve already told you a lot more than some of my closest friends know about me. How much more can a few pieces of furniture tell you, huh? Come on, please.” Junho whined like a child, pouting a little, because he suspected it would work in his favour.

And it did, rewarding him with a kiss to his forehead that made his heart skip a beat and left him speechless for a moment.

“Whatever happens, I will blame your persistence for it, okay? And now please lead the way, Emperor!”

But Junho was still frozen on the spot, questioning everything and nothing at the same time, so Chan figured he’d have to find a way to get him out of his stupor through an action that was bound to have an impact.

Feeling that their entire meeting had been unconventional already, he decided that nuzzling Junho’s hair would be it, so he stepped closer and put his arms around the smaller, placing a kiss on his forehead again before he buried his nose in Junho’s unruly locks and took a deep breath.

It had the effect he had hoped for and made him realise that Junho wasn’t just very easy on the eyes, but smelled just as good. His fresh yet musky scent tickled Chan’s nose in all the right ways and the omnipresent smell of winter only added to it.

“Mh, you smell very nice…”

With a soft and rather uncertain chuckle, Junho replied: “What kind of compliment is that, Mr. Big Bad Wolf?”

“Just something fitting the theme of our rather unusual meeting?”

“Nah, come on, the meeting itself was normal. It’s merely developing in a curious yet very intriguing way. But I’m inclined to see how this plot unfolds… So why are we still standing here in the snow, again?”

Chan beamed at him with mischief, stepping away from him just enough to miss his warmth already. “Because little red riding hood refuses to tell the big bad wolf where her house is. But what if said wolf uses the magic word?”

If anything, this fairy tale talk only amused Junho more, so he crossed his arms in front of his chest and sent Chan a look full of expectations: “Okay, do tell me what that word would be.”

“Alohomora!”

A sudden silence fell over them, seconds ticking by as they stared at each other with the straightest faces they could muster.

“Seriously? Potter?”

“Yeah, Malfoy.”

Another silence fell, this time, less solid, though.

“Never would I have expected you to read Harry Potter.”

“It’s not exactly something you tattoo on your forehead or tell people on first dates, I guess. Well, the exception proving the rule, apparently. But yes, I did.”

“House?”

“Hufflepuff. You?”

“Slytherin, I think.”

“An ambitious one. I like that.”

Their faces were still stoic, but not for long because Junho couldn’t resist the chance to pun: “Mind if I slither in then?”

Chansung was positively outraged, but equal parts exhilarated. “You didn’t.”

And with a proud smirk Junho nodded. “You bet I did.”

“Shall I huffle your puff then?” Chan’s response came with a suggestive smile that made Junho’s heart leap with joy, so he beamed brighter, grabbing Chansung’s hand with certainty. “I’m asking you for a private duel in my chamber of secrets.”

“A wand fight? Will there be a basilisk, too?”

“Oh yes, there will be. And I will charm that snake well…” Junho promised with a wink that failed so cutely that Chan couldn’t help but bearhug him.

“Where have you been all my life, Junho?”

  
“Apparently hiding in the chamber, duh. But since someone opened it, I can now roam the streets and lure unsuspecting Hufflepuffs into my snake pit. But be warned, once I’ve got you in my embrace there is no walking away from me.”

“What kind of idiot do you take me for to even consider walking away from such a charming snake?”

“Hufflepuffs have been known to wander into dangerous situations unawares and falling for pretty faces, you know? Maybe I’m hiding my vicious true colours to lure you in…” Junho suggested with a wicked grin that made Chansung flash him a death-defying smirk in response.

“Trust me, sweetheart, this Hufflepuff knows very well how to take care of himself. And maybe there’s enough of a Gryffindor in me to take this risk and walk into your trap.”

“Just don’t say I didn’t warn you when the time comes. I come with a lot of baggage.”

“Very well, consider me aware of your warning. And please acknowledge that I’m pointedly ignoring it.”

Chansung’s smile had turned into a foolish grin which earned him an exasperated sigh from the smaller man before he shrugged and looked at Chan with a serious gaze.

“I’ve tried it all. Now, if you would please allow me to lead the way?”

“I’m yours to command, Emperor. I’ll follow you like a shadow.”


	2. Setting Things Ablaze

The way to Junho’s place seemed incredibly long for one of them while the other felt like only a couple of seconds had passed before they were standing in front of the door to his apartment.

Junho froze for a moment, the key already sticking in the lock, but he just couldn’t turn it around. Chan, however, was far too giddy to notice it at first, his eyes taking in the surroundings like a curious puppy before they settled on the unmoving figure of the smaller man eventually and his forehead creased in concern.

“Junho? Is everything alright?”

He didn’t respond for another heartbeat until Chan had touched his shoulder really gently. Suddenly he breathed deeply, almost sighing, and then he turned around enough to look at Chansung sheepishly.

“I guess it’s just my nerves… I’m still not sure if this is a good idea.”

These words didn’t exactly scream ‘I am feeling comfortable about this’ at the taller, so he tried to smile encouragingly at Junho as he put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer until their foreheads were leaning against one another. And with a soft voice he explained: “Cupcake, I’m not trying to force you into anything that you’re not comfortable with, okay? If you say you don’t want me to come in then it’s alright. This is your sanctuary. I understand that, you hear me? And I will not invade it.”

A weak smile appeared on Junho’s face as he looked at the ground and blushed a little. “I still can’t believe that there’s actually someone out there who is that polite and respectful of other people’s personal space, Channie. And it’s not that I mind you coming in, to be honest. I’m just a little anxious about the things that may happen between us once we’re stepping through this door…”Chansung’s smile became a little brighter and he shook his head a little. “We don’t have to do anything, Junho. I’d be happy to sit next to you in silence and simply enjoy your presence. No idea why, but having you around gives me a strange sense of peace.”

Junho gaped at the revelation, blinking a few times before he had found his words again. “So it’s not just me? I mean it’s really strange to feel like this about someone you’ve just met a couple of hours ago, but I can’t shake this feeling off. Do you really feel the same way, Channie?”

He nodded solemnly before he brought a little distance between them again. “Honestly, I do. And that’s why am absolutely okay with just being here with you. It’s far more than I would have imagined possible already. And I have to admit that this feeling is something I hadn’t expected. It caught me off guard and now I’m not sure how to behave? Does that make sense?”

“It does.”

“Please excuse my bluntness, but when I first approached you, I wouldn’t have dreamed of feeling this way about you. I was prepared for a one night stand and not really getting emotionally invested. And now I’m standing here like a nervous teenager, unsure what to expect, but knowing that I want to know everything about you.”

The smaller chuckled nervously in response, too shy to look directly into Chan’s eyes when he spoke: “I know that feeling well. It didn’t happen to me in a long while. Not this fast at least. It’s leaving me helpless since I really want to get to know you, too, but it feels so hasty and I don’t want to scare you off with too much excitement and curiosity. So please, tell me if it bothers you.”

“Yes, of course. But please do the same, okay?”

With a shy smile that turned his eyes into crescent moons, Junho looked at Chan and turned the key around. “I will. And now please come in.”

He opened the door and let Chan pass through it before he walked in afterwards, closing it with a soft click not to add to the tension between them.

Chan hadn’t moved very far, though, only enough to give Junho sufficient space to walk in and collide with a wall of muscle and man because he hadn’t expected for him to stop in his tracks entirely.

“Ouch! Channie, you’re free to move wherever you like, okay?” he pointed out as he pushed the taller aside in the gentlest way possible. Then he took off his jacket and shoes and went to look for a pair of slippers to offer his guest.

Chansung hadn’t moved a bit despite the reminder and was still standing there in his jacket and following Junho’s movements with a curious yet shy gaze.

When Junho looked up at him again, slippers in his hands and a somewhat distant look on his face, Chan merely blinked in confusion which made Junho frown at him and put the slippers down at his feet. Then he proceeded to relieve Chan of his jacket without so much as asking and squatted down to untie his shoelaces for him.

“Seriously, this is no sacred place or anything, so you don’t have to act all shy, Channie. Just make yourself at home.”

But Chansung had just broken out of his stupor and was bowing down to stop Junho in the act. “Gosh, I’m sorry, I’m just a tad bit nervous. Please get up, you don’t have to help me, Junho.”

The smaller, however, only flashed him a kind smile and stood up then. “Alright, but I mean it, sweetheart, try to feel at home and trust me when I say this. I won’t eat you or make you do anything you don’t feel like doing, okay?”

With a sheepish smile of his own, Chansung scratched his head and gave a slight nod.

“Good, and now please put your jacket on the coat rack and follow me. I think a hot drink is just the right thing after our little excursion earlier?”

Another eager nod followed and Chansung stepped out of his shoes and into the slippers and walked up to him afterwards.

“Please let me help you prepare them. I feel bad letting you do all the work…”

A chuckle escaped Junho, but he stopped immediately when he saw Chan’s confused and somewhat saddened face. “Aish, Channie, it’s not a five-star menu, but alright, if you insist.”

Minutes later, they had made their way to the kitchen, Chan pointedly trying to avoid looking at anything and everything curiously on their way there and Junho chuckling some more because he couldn’t help but find his behaviour utterly adorable.

In the end, they had settled for hot chocolate and took a seat at the table as soon as they had the steaming cups in their hands.

“So… apart from having read Potter, what else is there to know about you, Channie?”

The taller blushed a little under the scrutinising look he received, but cleared his throat and replied eventually: “I’m a photographer and enjoy reading in general. Actually, I love going to the cinema or watching films at home, too. And being outdoors is one of my favourite pastimes. I can easily end up walking around a certain place for hours, taking a million and one photos of my surroundings or simply admiring the beauty of the place.”

Chansung had averted his gaze for the time being, fearing Junho’s reaction to his description for some reason he couldn’t quite pinpoint, but it was unnecessary because there was a warm hand squeezing his own all of a sudden and it made his heart skip a beat.

When he looked up, he saw Junho beaming at him like the sun. “You seem to be someone I would love to have around at all times, Chansung. I love being outdoors, too. And while I’m not as good of a photographer as you probably are, I enjoy the art a lot. Maybe you can show me some of your works at some point?”

“Gladly! And I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what do you do for a living?”

Junho’s smile turned a little brighter immediately, but his entire stature tensed up, too. “It may be an unconventional job for most men, but since dancing has always been in my blood, I ended up being a dancer who happens to have opened his own dancing school only a year ago.”

Chansung’s eyes went wide and he looked at him with honest curiosity. “Really? That’s probably a huge step, right? Which kinds of dance do you teach?”

“I prefer modern, but since I started from ballroom and Latin I teach those as well, depending on the classes, of course. Sadly modern isn’t really that sought after in the general public, but I have a good friend who owns a little theatre that I work with occasionally. They use a lot of my choreographies and have given me the chance to show some of my own stages from time to time.”

“You have my utmost respect for going after this dream. And I would love to see you dance. If you feel like showing me, that is…”

Chansung’s voice had grown smaller during the course of his speech, the realisation hitting him that Junho may not be inclined to show that much of himself to a complete stranger yet. But Junho’s choked voice made him look up into his eyes again and he noticed how surprise and incredulity were fighting for the upper hand.

“You would?”

Chan looked back at him with big eyes, giving a serious nod. “Absolutely. I’m not really good at it sadly, but it’s an amazing way to express yourself artistically. And I have to admit that I’ve always had a thing for dancers. There’s just some strange air about them that draws me in…”

“What a coincidence, huh?”

Junho’s grin was wide and mischievous, but Chan started beaming back at him immediately and with just as much enthusiasm, pointing out that: “It might be destiny, Junho.”

“You think?” he asked, an enigmatic smile gracing his features. “Follow me, please.”

And then he stood up and walked out of the kitchen, peeking around the corner to see if Chan was following him. The taller was a little lost in his thoughts but snapped out of them and got up as well, catching up with Junho soon after.

The smaller walked along the corridor, always slightly ahead of Chansung, and took off his pullover casually, his leather pants following soon after.

Chansung wasn’t quite sure what was happening, but he didn’t feel the need to object either, so he settled for gazing appreciatively at the beautiful man walking in front of him. He hadn’t really paid attention where they were going, but once they had walked through a door at the far end of the corridor, Junho stopped and turned on the lights, revealing the surprisingly big dance studio they were standing in.

He noticed Chansung’s confused look and shrugged: “You wanted to see me dance, no?”

“I didn’t expect you to have a studio in your apartment, to be honest.”

A proud smirk on his lips, Junho walked away from him and started to warm up and stretch a bit. “I told you I’m teaching it now. And since my apartment is big enough to include this room, why not make use of it?”

“True indeed.” Chan responded, his eyes curiously looking around the room and settling on the image of Junho in the tall mirrors that lined one of the walls. He was mesmerised by the precision and apparent effortlessness with which the smaller prepared himself.

“You can sit down if you want to, Channie. No need to stand there.”

Only then did Chansung notice the sofa in the corner and took a seat, his face flushing slightly because he had realised that Junho was very aware of the looks of awe he had been receiving.

“Wipe that self-conscious grin off your face, Junho!”

“Nah, I think I like the way you look at me a little too much for that. Sorry, love.” he teased, poking his tongue at the taller through the mirror and sent him a gaze that was just as much of a dare as it was flirtatious.

“This song is one of my absolute favourites and also part of an upcoming performance, by the way. The choreography is still rather raw, though. It’s really hard for me to do it justice. So please, tell me your opinion once I’m done, okay?”

Junho’s gaze had turned serious and Chansung couldn’t help but nod in response, his eyes practically glued to the smaller at this point. When Junho turned on the music, a sudden silence fell.

The air was filled with a strange kind of suspense as both of them waited for the first notes of the song to resound in the room. Junho’s body was visibly tense and Chansung held his breath unconsciously until the piano started playing and Junho started to dance.

He moved slowly and cautiously, at first, his dance reminding Chansung of a soft embrace, a careful approach of young lovers, the struggle between denying your own feelings and admitting to yourself that you are indeed in love with the other.

When the strings set in, the dance gained more power and momentum, Junho’s feet barely touching the ground, his limbs moving with perfect precision, making Chansung feel as if he’d just given in to his feelings and embraced this love inside of him fully. It was a powerful sight to behold and Chan didn’t realise it at first, but when he felt something wet drop onto his hand, he lost focus of Junho for a moment and noticed that he was crying a little.

He stared at his hand incredulously, knowing full well that he was easily moved by certain things, but he definitely hadn’t expected to be moved like this by Junho’s performance.

Just then, his gaze went back to capture the final moments of it. A calmer part had just ended and Junho’s soft and lithe moves had been replaced by more powerful ones that didn’t fail to make Chan’s heart beat faster along with them. He was thoroughly entranced by Junho, captivated by the emotion he embodied, completely losing himself in the music and the sequence of movements happening on the polished wooden floor. Time had stopped for Chan at some point and all that kept him grounded in reality were Junho’s twirls and gracefully moving limbs, the emotions he showed on his features.

It was taking Chan’s breath away and he only remembered where he was when the music faded out and Junho dropped to the floor, lying on his back motionlessly, only the rise and fall of his chest indicating that he was still alive.

Chansung was unable to move for a while, still far too deeply in awe to think about anything that wasn’t this dance and the person who had given him a chance to witness this beauty.

Eventually, though, he was starting to worry about Junho who was still lying there, not moving at all. So Chan got up cautiously, taking a few steps in his direction, his eyes looking at him with a mixture of worry and admiration.

Much to his surprise, he noticed a couple of tears rolling down Junho’s temples, his eyes tightly closed and lips pressed together in order to keep any sounds in.

“Junho?” he tried with the softest voice, making the smaller open his eyes and look up at him.

Chan’s gaze was questioning and Junho merely shook his head, signifying him not to ask any of them aloud.

And so he didn’t, but he knelt down next to him, cupping Junho’s face with his hand and looking at him with adoration in his eyes. Junho, however, averted his gaze, feeling that he didn’t deserve this admiration, feeling unworthy of being looked at like this.

He tried to roll away to the side, to escape the touch that felt so natural, but Chan didn’t budge, no, he trapped him with his other hand, only whispering his name like a lover’s caress and it sent shivers down Junho’s body.

He knew that this was far too good to be true, that there had to be some kind of catch. But then he noticed the warm touch of Chansung’s lips on his own, the cautious plea to be let in, for him to hand himself over entirely. And the moment to object was gone all too soon, no chance to get it back and run away any longer.

He wrapped his arms around Chan’s neck, tentatively at first, but pulled him as close as possible as soon as Chansung had deepened their kiss and crawled on top of him. They lost themselves in each other’s touch, forgetting time and space entirely, only focusing on the feeling of that spark between them.

They kissed and caressed, embraced and made each other feel loved in a way no one had ever made them feel before. It was strange to feel so certain about something, but at that very moment, Chansung felt that if they really wanted to, they could have a future together.

Images of them in a few years flashed by his inner eye, giving him a brand new sense of bliss and he knew for sure that he would do everything in his power to make them become reality one day.

Junho had noticed his absent-mindedness, though, and smiled at him happily. “Channie? What’s going on inside that pretty head of yours?”

The smile directed at him made him giddy, but he decided that he didn’t want to tell Junho about the extent of his feelings yet, so he mirrored the smile and shook his head softly. “Just daydreaming a little, nothing serious.”

“The good kind of dreams?”

“The best kind imaginable in my opinion. Maybe we can dream them together one day.”

And then there was that enigmatic smile again, Junho’s entire body emitting a perfectly peaceful aura.

“Yes, maybe we can…” The words had merely faded into nothing before their lips connected again, this time with more confidence and intent on breaking down all the walls that had been built between them. Junho had overcome his doubts, for now, no longer caring about what the future might bring. He wanted to live in the moment for a while, to enjoy everything that was within reach and to open himself to the other completely.

He wanted to take everything he was offered and give back twice as much, so he cast off all his doubts and poured himself all over Chansung, feeling much more alive because of it.

There was no rush in this place they had moved on to in their minds, only them, no outside world that made them worry or second guess anything they were doing. Chansung had rolled onto his back, giving Junho a chance to take the initiative and the smaller did just that, taking his dear time to strip the taller of his clothes, revealing the naked skin layer by layer and uncovering Chansung’s innermost self at the same time.

Softly, he traced the lines on Chan’s body, enjoying the tingling sensation in his fingertips before he did the same with his lips. Spreading butterfly kisses all over him, he gazed into Chan’s eyes occasionally and found that Chansung followed his movements attentively, a somewhat foolish grin spread all over his face.

“I like you, Chansung. You smell of summer rain and walking in a forest at dusk.” he muttered under his breath and buried his nose in the crook of Chan’s neck for a heartbeat, making the taller chuckle with his whole body and wrap his arms around him loosely.

Then he turned his head around to take a whiff of Junho’s scent and held his breath as he analysed all the impressions it gave him.

“And you, my dear snake, remind me of the sea. There might be a field of wildflowers growing close to the shore and the sun setting on the scene and making the flowers emit their spicy scent. If I wasn’t already spellbound by you, your scent would definitely do the trick.” he pointed out with another chuckle and created a trail of kisses upwards from Junho’s chin to his ear, just nuzzling the soft hair lovingly.

“You’re being silly, Channie.”

Junho’s voice was full of laughter and his chest rumbled with it, too. And Chansung was thoroughly enthralled by it. “I’m enchanted by you, Junho, that is all. Can’t help it, if you mess with my brain like this.”

“Tsk, do you see me acting like a lovestruck fool?” the smaller teased and looked at the other with a bright smile.

“If your smile is any indicator, then yes, you’re acting just as foolishly.” And after a moment of silently looking at each other, they snorted simultaneously and laughed about the situation and perhaps about how easily they had clicked and how natural everything between them felt. Simply because there was no way to explain what was happening between them logically.

Out of breath and feeling a tad bit on the lightheaded side, Junho dove in for another kiss and since his brain to mouth filter had stopped working at some point, he blurted out something that made him flush immediately after he had said it: “Chansung, I think I could love you.”

Chan, however, simply gazed at him with a sense of peace that eventually calmed Junho down a little, but his silence made him antsy at the same time.

“Please say something.” Junho pleaded with him, playfully childish at first, but his plea turned more anxious the second time: “Please, Chansungie.”

“What is there to say? I can feel it, too, Junho.” Now it was his turn to smile the enigmatic smile and unnerve Junho even more.

The smaller huffed angrily and rolled down from Chansung, lying there on his back, eyes glaring at the ceiling.

But Chansung didn’t mind it. All he did was reach for Junho’s hand blindly and entwine their fingers once he had found it. Then he moved their hands up to his lips and kissed the back of Junho’s, a playful smile on his lips.

“Honestly, there’s nothing more to say about it at this point, Junho. You know I want this. Us. But we’ll have to see how it works out in time.”

Another more resigned huff was all the response he got for a while, but then Junho turned around a little to look him in the eye. “It’s just so strange. I feel like I’ve known you for years already and don’t really see the need to wait, but my logic tells me that it’s impossible and that we shouldn’t rush this. I just don’t know…”

At this point Chan turned onto his side, too, and cupped Junho’s cheek again, looking at him with honesty. “It’s no different for me, trust me. But please give us time, okay?” A gentle kiss to the tip of Junho’s nose followed, then another to his cheek and another to his lips.

Their shy kisses eventually turned into deeper ones again and it was Junho who pushed Chansung onto his back once more, pinning him down before he explored his neck and chest slowly.

“Are you clean, Channie?” he asked while tasting the slightly salty skin with his tongue.

“Yes. But we don’t have to…” the taller responded breathlessly.

“But I want to. And I’m clean, too. Let me just fetch some lube and condoms…” Junho was about to get up, but Chan grabbed his wrist, shaking his head.

“My jeans. In the back pocket.”

Junho’s eyes went wide for a moment, mouth forming an ‘O’ before he searched the room with his eyes for the jeans in question and reached out to grab them.

He fumbled a little and Chansung took the opportunity to kiss his chest while it hovered over his head, making the smaller squeak in surprise and look down at him in shock.

But Chan’s bright grin disarmed him immediately, so he sighed dramatically and settled back down, straddling his waist with nonchalance.

Poking around in the pocket he found a couple of condoms and looked at the man beneath him with raised brows and the hint of a suggestive smirk on his lips. “So much for me being the eager one, eh? Lubed ones even. How fancy, darling.”

With a shy smile, Chansung replied: “You never know what happens and I prefer to be on the safe side with these matters.”

“Very wise, I agree. And, uh, would you mind me topping?”

“Sweetheart, I appreciate the concern, but honestly, I don’t mind either position. If you feel like taking the reigns then I’m not stopping you. Just give it to me good.” the taller responded suggestively as his index finger traced the outlines of Junho’s ribcage.

A single nod was all the response Chansung got before Junho shifted his position and settled down between Chan’s legs.

"Tell me if it hurts, okay?"

"Of course, baby."

Junho sent him another thorough look and proceeded to coat his fingers with saliva ere he began to prepare Chan.

The taller drew a couple of shaky breaths; the last time he'd been touched like this was too far in the past, but Junho was incredibly gentle and careful, so there was only very little pain and plenty of pleasure.

It might have helped that the smaller took very good care of Chansung’s member while he prepared him. And Junho’s actions certainly had the desired effect, leaving Chan breathless and writhing in frustration until he bit his lips so hard that they bruised.

“Junho~” he drawled, throwing a desperate glance at the man between his legs. And what a sight it was. Junho smirked around his cock for a moment, but then he spotted Chansung’s bruised lip and his pleased expression turned into worry.

“What are you doing, Channie?” he murmured and crawled farther on top of the taller again, brushing his thumb over the hurt lip in wonder, “Isn’t it my task to bruise them?”

“Too much… Don’t tease me, okay? I want you so badly, Junho.” His voice was a mere whisper, but it was filled with so much longing that Junho couldn’t help but feel bad for making him wait so long.

So he leaned in to kiss Chansung deeply, mouthing against his lips afterwards: “I’m done now…” And with a slight adjustment of his position he buried himself in Chan’s body. Slowly and carefully at first, but when Chan’s features softened and the furrowed brows were no longer a sign of discomfort but showed his pleasure, Junho quickened the pace.

He had definitely taken a liking to Chansung’s scent, even more so now that it was spiced with a hint of sex, so Junho ravished the taller man’s neck, his nose greedily inhaling every little nuance while his lips tasted the glistening skin of his lover.

Meanwhile, Chansung was close to losing his mind. The heat of Junho inside of him combined with the feeling of his tongue and lips everywhere drove Chansung insane. He had a hard time focusing on reality, so he dug his fingertips into the muscular skin of Junho’s back and ass, leaving red streaks that would bear testament to the passion between them for days.

He had been pretty positive that it couldn’t get any better, but just at that moment, Junho wrapped his hand firmly around Chan’s leaking cock and pumped it in time with his thrusts. If the taller had been close to losing track of time and space before, he was now too far gone to give a shit about anything that wasn’t Junho.

The way his body fitted so perfectly against Chansung’s, the way Junho’s touch set fire to his skin and made him believe that it had been destined for them to meet, how Junho had become the center of his universe in the matter of a couple of hours only…

Right when that realisation had struck him, he tensed up, mumbling a string of curses as his orgasm hit him with the force of a tidal wave. His breath came shallow and the gushes of air against Junho’s neck definitely made for a curious but intriguing sensation. And with Chan clenching around him, fingertips digging into his back in borderline desperation, Junho wasn’t far from his own climax.

He kept moving, though, too greedy for this feeling of being united in body and soul to let go of it just yet. Chansung was still arching his back into him, his mouth wide open in a voiceless moan and when Junho opened his eyes for a moment to behold this sight, he just couldn’t hold back. He rolled his hips into his lover once more, the broken mewl that left Chan’s throat afterwards turning into the clarion call that heralded Junho’s own orgasm.

There was no beginning and no end to them, just a union of flesh and spirit. And for a split second, only the duration of a heartbeat, they were truly one.

This feeling faded far too soon, though, leaving them with the lingering aftertaste of unlimited bliss on their lips and the certainty that this had been no mere act of passion but a true bonding of kindred spirits.

When Junho opened his eyes again, he could have sworn that Chansung emitted a strange glow, making him appear otherworldly and oh so tempting. Just one more kiss from these lips and every bad thing that had ever happened to the smaller would pale in comparison.

In a moment of clarity, Junho realised that this was his chance to find happiness. This man beneath him, his eyes full of fire and an unspeakable gentleness at the same time, he could give Junho what he needed most. If only he was brave enough to take that leap of faith.

And Chansung? He hadn’t even dared to dream of what could possibly come off their encounter. For him, meeting the smaller had been nothing but a coincidence. A beautiful one, that much he had to admit. But that was about it. Or well, had been. He should have known he wouldn’t be able to get away so easily. When Junho had first smiled at him in that alley, he should have known.

And maybe some part of him had realised it back then. But another part of him, a much bigger one, had been drawn to Junho's all-consuming fire regardless. And it didn’t get any better the more he listened to Junho’s words. His painful confession. The desperate plea that remained unspoken. Chansung was only able to grasp how impossible it would be to break Junho's spell on him when it was already far too late.

And as he lost himself in the dark embers of his lover’s eyes, he felt calm. So much calmer than he had ever felt before. He knew that his life was still the same, the daily struggles unchanged, countless troubles lurking just behind the door to Junho’s apartment. But there was no anxiety about it. He had found his centre. The one who grounded him in reality. And it made him smile because he had never even considered this an option. He had always thought he would have to find peace in himself, but it didn’t work this way for him, obviously.

For them, perhaps, since Junho probably felt the same way. Would it be dangerous to give someone else so much power over yourself? Absolutely. It was the recipe for disaster. Possibly just as foolish as lying with someone you’ve only known for mere hours. But the sense of peace Chansung felt told him it was worth the risk. Had always been worth it, in fact, from the very first glance to the soft kiss Junho was now pressing to his forehead.

“Will you stay with me?”

Junho could have meant for the night, he could have meant for all eternity, but it really made no difference to Chansung since he had made that decision already and was only waiting for his lover’s confirmation.  

Yes. Chansung kissed it onto the tip of his nose, onto the corner of Junho’s lips and told it to his heart with the simple act of putting his hand over it. And it was enough. It was everything Junho needed to understand him. To get that Chansung would be his if he truly wanted it. And want it, he did. With all his heart, his body and soul he wanted him. Wanted to be with him and become his in return.

They sealed the unspoken agreement with a kiss as fragile as the wings of a butterfly but still strong enough to cause a storm that would change their world entirely.

Then the doorbell rang and Junho’s head shot up with a shocked expression, his brows slowly furrowing with anger as the unpleasant noise continued. “What the hell…?”

Chansung simply put a finger on Junho’s lips in order to calm him, suggesting they pretend there’s no one home. But the doorbell kept ringing and Junho was growing antsier by the second.

“Just give me a moment, Channie. I’ll be right back.” He was up in no time, hurrying down the corridor and out of sight, leaving Chansung lying there on the floor with his thoughts all muddled and a blissful smile on his lips.

Meanwhile, Junho had reached the front door and glared at the display of his intercom until it sank in that his entire group of friends was standing there, waving at him. Along with the two guys Chansung had been sitting with. Brilliant, just what they needed.

“What?!” he barked at them as he pressed the intercom and sent another death glare in their direction, hoping that some of it would reach them.

“You heartless shit abandoned us in the middle of the New Year’s party… If it wasn’t for our new friends here, we’d have no idea where to find you.” Minjun accused him with a half-smile.

“Why don’t you ask Taec why I left in the first place, eh? Whatever. Why are you here?” Junho was done with them already, his eyes glancing in the direction of his studio for a second, wondering what Chansung was up to.

“Yah, stop being so heartless and let us in, Juneo. We just want to hang out with you, man. And it’s freezing out here.” That was Wooyoung’s whiny baby tone and Junho couldn’t help but grin a little before he went back to glaring at them. Then he closed his eyes and sighed to himself, cursing his stupid soft heart and pressing the intercom once more. “Give me ten minutes. I was rather busy just now…”

They nodded somewhat disgruntledly, scooting closer to stay warm while they waited.

That was Junho’s sign to speed back towards Chansung, almost running him over since he hadn’t expected to find him just around the corner, about to walk out and look for the smaller.

Junho’s eyes widened at the sight of this naked god in the middle of his home who was beaming at him as if he was Buddha himself. “Chansung.” The sound caught in his throat, tickling his lips as the stream of air passed them by. He bit said lips as the last syllable had faded away, too overwhelmed to speak or recall why exactly he had left in the first place for a moment.

If Chansung was aware of the effect he had on Junho, he didn’t let it show. Instead, he crossed the distance between them and reached out to cup Junho’s cheek carefully, eyes narrowed in concern. “There you are. Is everything alright? You look distraught…” His voice was but a whisper, the tenderness of it made Junho’s heart leap in his chest as he leaned into the touch of his hand instinctively.

“They’re here.” he uttered, the worries melting away immediately in the face of Chansung’s presence.

“Who is?” the taller asked Junho’s lips with his own, stepping even closer while Junho slid his arms around Chan’s waist.

“Our friends. Yours and mine. They’re standing outside and ask to come up to continue the New Year’s party here…”

These words had Chansung freezing for a moment, probably thinking of a solution for the conflict of interests. “Did you tell them I’m here?”

“No, but my friend said it was because of your friends that they even had a clue where to look for us. What did you tell them, huh?” Junho mused with a tiny smirk on the corner of his lips.

“Just that I’d be going out to see if you wanted to talk or anything. I guess they put two and two together when I didn’t return… Sorry.” the taller admitted sheepishly, head hung low, but Junho was quick to peck his lips and lift his mood again.

“There’s no point in crying over spilt milk, is there? But I told them to give me ten minutes before they can come up. So we should probably get dressed…” Junho suggested, eyes downcast and gesturing between their naked bodies. Chansung couldn’t help but smirk appreciatively at the cute sight, running his fingers through his lover’s hair before he expertly reached for his dick and pulled the condom off, leaving Junho speechless and red like a tomato.

“Don’t think you’ll be needing this anymore, eh? Now, where are my clothes again?” he uttered, eyes looking around the room to spot the clothes strewn everywhere. He heaved a sigh and went around to pick them up, throwing them on without a hurry.

Meanwhile, Junho’s eyes were glued to his every move, captivated by the play of his muscles and he couldn’t suppress a snort when Chan picked up his jeans and put them on, not minding the lack of underwear for a second.

“Going commando? How bold.”

“I honestly can’t be bothered with that right now. Besides, not like I’ll be taking my clothes off in front of them, so I trust you to keep this a secret. What about you, though? Do you plan to greet them in the nude?” Chan mused with a suggestive wiggle of his brows.

Junho’s face flushed immediately and it didn’t help that Chan’s eyes were taking in everything very thoroughly. Almost too thoroughly, even. At least, if the wicked glint in his eyes was anything to judge by. “You wish! Now, get your mind out of the gutter and help me find my clothes…”

Chansung was far too eager, though, his fingers lingering just a moment too long on Junho’s sensitive skin, the heat they exuded almost enough to make Junho forget that the others were still waiting outside. So he stole one last kiss before he pushed Chan away and told him to wait in the kitchen.

The taller left reluctantly and Junho had to some trouble to suppress that blissful if not borderline foolish grin that kept on creeping back onto his features at the thought of Chansung.

With another deep sigh, he slapped his cheeks once, though, hurrying to stumble into his clothes as he made his way back to the door and tried to put on an expression that didn’t scream that he’d just had the best sex of his life.

It seemed to work until they had all gathered in his corridor, faces a little on the grumpy side because they clearly hadn’t enjoyed standing outside like fools for close to twenty minutes.

“Ten minutes, huh?” Nichkhun emphasised again, hesitant to take off his warm jacket yet, but Junho merely shrugged and rolled his eyes: “I didn’t tell you to follow me here. Blame yourselves for that.”

Most of them eventually shrugged and slipped out of shoes and jackets, waiting for the master of the house to lead the way to wherever he deemed fit. Woo raised the bags filled with beers and all sorts of other beverages a little for Junho to notice them, but the latter only rolled his eyes at that: “Why am I not surprised you brought all that here?”

“Oh come on, it’s New Year’s Eve. Relax, Junho.” Minjun suggested with a lopsided smile and patted his back, making his way to the living room then.

“Yeah, just make yourselves comfortable. Not like any of you care that this is my home anyway…”

Junho had come to terms with their lack of respect for his personal space, so he didn’t even put up a fight when most of them followed the older.

“Hey, haven’t had a chance to say hi yet. This is Jinwoon and I’m Seulong. We’re friends of Chansung… Nice to meet you, Junho. And thank you for having us.”

“Uhm yeah, sorry about my manners. Nice to meet you, too, guys. Just make yourself comfortable, okay? At least, some people in this apartment seem to respect the owner…” he finished loud enough for the men in the livingroom to hear.

“We love you, too, Junho!” Woo chimed back, opening the first can of beer with a click. “Hurry up, the beers are getting warm!”

The new additions to the group cautiously made their way into the unknown territory, leaving the smallest alone in the corridor. Or so he thought until someone behind him cleared his throat and he realised Taecyeon had been glaring at him with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Oh hi, asshole. Now, is there anything you want to get off your chest?” Junho demanded to know with a smile that was speaking of murder.

Taec uncrossed his arms and came a little closer, a smile creeping onto his face that was so fake it hurt. “I really hope he was worth leaving us behind. Did he fuck you yet?” He was close enough to whisper into Junho’s ear at this point, his breath making Junho shiver. “I bet he did and you enjoyed it like the little slut you are, Junho. You sucked his cock, didn’t you? I can still smell it on your breath…”

Junho usually didn’t resort to physical assault, but this time it was different. He didn’t care that Taecyeon had called him a slut. Fuck, he didn’t even care about the obvious jealousy in his words. He did, however, not tolerate the way Taecyeon tried to debase the bond that had been forged between Chansung and him.

And Taecyeon surely hadn’t expected to catch an uppercut that left his mind hazy and his jaw aching like a motherfucker. Or the sight of Junho only inches away from his face, eyes sparkling with fury, for that matter. He couldn’t breathe for a moment, genuinely scared by how unpredictable Junho was.

“I don’t have any idea why you feel like it’s any of your business, Taecyeon, but yes, I sucked his cock. And then I fucked him to the edge of insanity. You can only pray that you’ll ever find someone who complements you the way Chansung complements me. Go ahead and try your worst, but nothing you say will ever be able to fuck this up for me, you pitiful excuse for a friend…”

Junho spat out the words as if he was talking to the worst kind of human scum he could imagine.

And it wouldn’t be a lie if he said that right at that moment he hated the very idea of calling Taecyeon one of his closest friends.

But his rage cooled down immediately when he registered someone else’s presence at the far end of the corridor. It was Chansung, standing there indecisively, fully aware that he had no right to intervene but he was clearly alerted.

“Don’t give him any shit, you hear me, Taecyeon?” Junho warned him through gritted teeth before he walked past the taller, patting his shoulder in a way that could have been seen as cordial if he hadn’t used his full strength. With every step towards Chansung, he became more peaceful, though, beaming at his lover as he reached out and took his hand. “I’ll introduce you in a couple of minutes, okay? Let’s just grab some snacks before we face the entire group together.” And with a last portentous glance back at Taecyeon, he led Chansung back into the kitchen.

Taec, on the other hand, had been unable to wrap his head around what had happened just then. His jaw was still throbbing with a dull pain when he turned on the spot, only to find himself alone in the corridor, wondering if he truly deserved to have his head adjusted like that.

But just in that moment, Nichkhun poked his head around the corner and ushered him over with a weird look. “What’s taking you so long, man? Isn’t it your duty to keep your boyfriend warm? I’m still frozen to my bones…”


End file.
